A letter for my son

Baby, I don’t know where to start. Actually, it pains me to write this letter but I just had to express what I’m feeling or I’d lose my mind.
I didn’t know I was risking your life when I didn’t rush to the hospital when I saw blood. I thought it was one of those episodes when I just had a spotting but it became worst. Sorry if I already failed you, my little angel. I am so sorry that I couldn’t even talk to you when I went to see you. I was so shocked I guess and worried that I’d break down and cry. I did not speak at all. I just looked at you. I saw your heart beating and I feel like you were having a hard time because of the tube in your mouth. It hurts like hell whenever I remember you like that. I want to kick myself. I want to give you everything, baby. I swear to God. I am not even kidding. I want you to survive and be with us. I want to spend every moment with you and see your smile, hear your laugh, hug you tight, kiss you, cradle you, touch you, feel you and love you. I remember the time when I confessed to a priest and he said that I didn’t really fail as a daughter. All I could do to turn it around was to be a good mother to my child. I feel like I failed already and it hurts so bad. I am so, so, sorry. If I could just give my own life to you, I would. I don’t want to see you suffering like that. If I could just feel all the pain you were about to feel, I would not hesitate to receive it all because I love you so much. But I know and I believe that you would make it through. You would be okay and we would be together again. I love you, baby adam. Your father and I will be waiting for you. It’s hard to promise that I will not cry, but I will try my best to be strong. Know that I am missing you every second. Know that you will always be the first thing that comes to my mind when I wake up. I love you so much.

We are still lucky enough.

We will be waiting for you and I hope to God that you are well.

Words are not enough to express my love for you.

Your mom,


Bun in the oven

I’m embarking a new journey and… It’s been pretty wonderful and terrible all at the same time. At first, I didn’t want to believe that I have a baby growing inside me since I really couldn’t feel my baby inside. But it changed when I saw him/her inside me, you know via ultrasound. It’s amazing how life could form inside of you and it’s fucking scary that you are pretty clueless about the whole thing even if you do read a lot of stuff over the internet. It’s way too different when you’re actually experiencing things yourself. Like the first kick of your baby, the way he or she moves around and you feel like he or she is swimming inside you not to mention the fact that you could see some part of your tummy bulging or something, the morning sickness, the never-ending food addiction all you wanted to do was to eat every 3-4 hours or between meals, the emotions you couldn’t even handle yourself, finding yourself more exhausted than ever, everything you feel affects your baby and believe me I want to cry whenever I think about this because I am an emotional wreck and I worry about the effect on my baby… Like a lot of times, I have this urge to punch people especially when they kind of nudging my tummy (e.g. On the bus). Um, hello??? What if the driver hits the break and the person sitting next to me accidentally elbowed me so hard??? Omfg! Seriously. I can’t wait to see my baby!!! 3 and a half months to go! -chreenikki


It felt so right!!!

Yesterday was soooooo much fun!!! Marwin and I had our prenup shoot and all I can say is… It was amazing and tiring. I didn’t know the shoot would last for a day. My feet were about to get blisters (thank goodness it didn’t happen) I think when I wore the heels for the “Formal” shoot and I was trying real hard not to twist my leg. There were so many shots and as the day wore on, I felt like I became more tired than ever. We had photos by the stairs, by the corner, sitting by the round table just talking, talking by the table looking like we were going to burst out laughing in any minute (or maybe it’s just me), by the railing, by the trunk of the tree, below the tree, riding the bicycle, kayaking, by the bridge, by the botanical garden, by the huge door (actually it’s the museo’s entrance but whatever), walking and by the fountain… OH MY GOSH! I just can’t remember everything. It’s too good to be true!!! 

Yeah, and you know what? Marwin even broke the news to me that there was a spider on my top. And WE WERE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE LAKE AND HE WAS THE ONLY ONE PADDLING because I changed my position so that we were facing each other for the photo shoot. Oh, God!!! And there were even more spiders approaching me from behind and in front of me. Yeah. It’s not like I can shoo them all away. We were going to fall if I kill them all. What was worst is… the spider can float in the water so all they have to do is jump like hell when I flick them away from the kayak and they came running back to me. Like what on earth??? Get off from our kayak!!!

But it was fun… Really. And I didn’t know it was so hard to pose. But I was smiling like a mad woman all the way except from the start and I was trying to fight off the fatigue. Marwin seemed like he was enjoying the shoot though he said a few points to me like it was unfair that I know how to smile… But really, he looked so good and when I looked into his eyes (whenever we get instructed to do so for the photos) I felt like I was trapped and all I could is just stare at him and smile like a total idiot. You see, I really have the hots for this guy. Even if we bicker like kids. And it never goes away, the attraction, I mean. Because I actually fall for this guy every freaking day. That’s the truth. (Even we have a small fight or I am annoyed or something…. still he is still the same guy I fell in love with… from the moment we talked like we were have a connection or something. Ha!!! Then I saw him and I was like, “Damn it!!! He is so good-looking, what do I do??!!!!!!” and then it went on and on and on for days until we met for our date night and until we became a couple. It’s just crazy, just thinking about it. But it’s one of the amazing and wonderful moments that I would forever cherish as long as I live. It’s like a freaking miracle, to be honest. And I’m lucky to have him by my side. :)

Anyway, back to the story!!! After the photoshoot, we went to Yellowcab and treated the couple for a snack. :) Because Ate Anne did my makeup and her boyfriend took our photos! God, I cannot wait to get the photos!!!!! THEY LOOK STUNNINGLY BEAUTIFUL I BET. I got to see two photos only… When we were by this huge door and the one under the tree with the bike behind us. It was freaking awesome!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!! I can’t wait! I can’t wait! I’m super excited! Even the baby can feel my excitement. Thank goodness he/she doesn’t flip inside me like hell. Oh, my!!! But really, thank you Universe!!! It’s such a wonderful experience.

And by the way… We saw Maleficent last night and I was completely happy by the end of the movie. I really loved the ending!!! :)



“I love being horribly straightforward. I love sending reckless text messages (because how reckless can a form of digitized communication be?) and telling people I love them and telling people they are absolutely magical humans and I cannot believe they really exist. I love saying, “Kiss me harder,” and “You’re a good person,” and, “You brighten my day.” I live my life as straight-forward as possible.

Because one day, I might get hit by a bus.

Maybe it’s weird. Maybe it’s scary. Maybe it seems downright impossible to just be—to just let people know you want them, need them, feel like, in this very moment, you will die if you do not see them, hold them, touch them in some way whether its your feet on their thighs on the couch or your tongue in their mouth or your heart in their hands.

But there is nothing more beautiful than being desperate.

And there is nothing more risky than pretending not to care.

We are young and we are human and we are beautiful and we are not as in control as we think we are. We never know who needs us back. We never know the magic that can arise between ourselves and other humans.

We never know when the bus is coming.”

—  Rachel C. Lewis, Tell The People You Love That You Love Them 

2014 IS HERE!!!

This year is the year to make things happen and to make dreams come true! I haven’t gotten to the point to set goals this year but I’m planning to do some list tonight. :) I’ll just have to keep them attainable, though. (Everything is attainable as long as I believe in myself.) YAY!!! I’m pretty much stoked to start anew this year. I’m not making promises of changing my ways or anything for that matter. Seriously. I love being me. Though I know I have some flaws, it makes up the real me. It’s who I am. Maybe I’ll change something but I can’t make promises for that. That’s just so pathetic.

It would’ve been fun if I celebrated New Years with my one and only and if we shared a kiss. Ohhhh. But it was okay that I’ve spent it with my family. I even jumped when the clock struck 12. HA! It was just a tradition here, kids do it because they believe that they will grow taller if they jump, and it was so fun to do it! (I know I’m not a kid anymore but seriously) Apparently, I feel bad when I tried to wake up my sister. I really wanted to jump with her but she was dead to the world! She wailed when I blew the trumpet toy, though. Hahaha!!!

Anyway, how did you guys celebrated New Years? I hope everyone had a blast! Let’s keep on being grateful every day! Woohoo!

Oh, and by the way, let’s intend to have a good year! It’s going to be so awesome. Even better than 2013, I reckon!





What’s keeping me busy

Hello. Okay, well… I neglected to update my blog. I’m sorry for that. Anyway, just to keep you updated with everything that’s going on in my life lately. Read the scoop!

Um, I went to a job hunt last week and I can say that it went well, aside from what had happened last Friday which ultimately bugged me so much I went home crying. Actually, I held back my tears until I was inside the bus and cried there quietly. What am I supposed to do then? Encourage myself to be strong, yadda yadda yadda??? Plus, my throat was hurting already and the easy to way to release the anger and frustration I was feeling was to cry. That was my last resort. Thank goodness I was so quiet… Well, except from the sniffing and all that crap. 

There was also a girl I met at the van terminal last Thursday. I sat beside her and waited for the van to fill up with people. Apparently, some were impatient so they left. I asked the girl where she was from and asked her if she knew the way to ____. She said no so I asked my mother (I texted her) and so, I asked her if she wanted to go with me since we were the only two left inside the van and I can’t wait forever for the van to be swarmed with people. So we got off and headed to the other terminal. Omfg. She even treated with the fare to the bus. I was so shocked and grateful. Then we started to talk about our previous jobs until she got off. Then I thought I lost my phone. Hahaha. Oh, and my uncle gave me money. Hahaha! It was truly a shocker but I am grateful. It was so unexpected. ^__^

Anyway, I’ve read Lemony Snicket’s series up until The Vile Village. Then I began watching Once Upon A Time and got addicted to it so basically I just watch and watch and watch instead of reading but that’s fine with me. I have enjoyed watching the season 1 and I’m about to watch the second season! I am so psyched! Oh, then I started watching American Horror Story Coven, too! I don’t even know why I’m watching the series, though. Maybe because I’m curious. Holy crap. I’m a huge fan of morbid, gory, scary and horrible stuff but I’m afraid, all right. It’s good that I managed to watch something scary alone. :)

Oh! I’ve downloaded the Once Upon A Time book, too! I’ve started reading it and then paused because I went back to series marathon. It’s soooooooooooo fun!!!

Plus, I get to watch Thor: The Dark World last Friday even if I wasn’t really feeling well. I enjoyed the movie so much. I was probably so loud at the movie theater on account of being exhilarated, excited and shocked with everything that was happening all throughout the movie. It was soooo goood!!! A friend told me that the film wasn’t good enough, I disagree! I loved it in every way. Especially the facade of Loki. I was so frustrated by the end of the movie, I swear. But I loved it enough. :) I surprised my boyfriend with movie tickets! I didn’t really want to watch alone and it would be fun to drag someone along… :”> Plus, it’s also a way for me to make up with something I did earlier that day. ^___^

Okay, well, I think that’s all…


Oh, and the victims of this really awful typhoon that hit our country so bad. Please pray for them or donate. Whichever you prefer. It’s just too atrocious and I can’t stand watching the news because it’s so heartbreaking. Really. Well, I believe that they can get through with everything as long as they keep the faith and believe… and pray.

Alright, I better go and prepare! I’m heading out today and I hope everything will go better than expected.