Baby, I don’t know where to start. Actually, it pains me to write this letter but I just had to express what I’m feeling or I’d lose my mind.
I didn’t know I was risking your life when I didn’t rush to the hospital when I saw blood. I thought it was one of those episodes when I just had a spotting but it became worst. Sorry if I already failed you, my little angel. I am so sorry that I couldn’t even talk to you when I went to see you. I was so shocked I guess and worried that I’d break down and cry. I did not speak at all. I just looked at you. I saw your heart beating and I feel like you were having a hard time because of the tube in your mouth. It hurts like hell whenever I remember you like that. I want to kick myself. I want to give you everything, baby. I swear to God. I am not even kidding. I want you to survive and be with us. I want to spend every moment with you and see your smile, hear your laugh, hug you tight, kiss you, cradle you, touch you, feel you and love you. I remember the time when I confessed to a priest and he said that I didn’t really fail as a daughter. All I could do to turn it around was to be a good mother to my child. I feel like I failed already and it hurts so bad. I am so, so, sorry. If I could just give my own life to you, I would. I don’t want to see you suffering like that. If I could just feel all the pain you were about to feel, I would not hesitate to receive it all because I love you so much. But I know and I believe that you would make it through. You would be okay and we would be together again. I love you, baby adam. Your father and I will be waiting for you. It’s hard to promise that I will not cry, but I will try my best to be strong. Know that I am missing you every second. Know that you will always be the first thing that comes to my mind when I wake up. I love you so much.
We are still lucky enough.
We will be waiting for you and I hope to God that you are well.
Words are not enough to express my love for you.